To Whom it May Concern

*Warning: Those with a weak stomach should read no further. We are going to talk about vomit.

This is my formal request, better yet, my absolute and desperate pleading, that the party responsible for causing my children to continuously catch illnesses causing them to vomit EVERYWHERE to please, please, please stop. I cannot take it anymore. The children are also starting to get annoyed.

This request is also written on behalf of the numerous locations, which include but are not limited to, the sofa, the floor and walls of the children's bathroom upstairs, and the entire interior of my car, which seem also to have offended someone or something. Or these places have paid a heavy price for simply finding themselves to be in the line of fire, so to speak. 

At the very least, could you lay off the vomit for a while? Otherwise I may have to move the family into a bubble, sealing all offending germs, bacteria, etc...outside. And as isolating as that may be, the silver lining is that I would imagine it is very easy to clean vomit in a bubble.